Maybe Andy would never be my boyfriend or my lover, but that night I realized, he was probably one of the best friends I had ever had.

Below is a replica of the list that Andy made for me. It’s  a little different. It’s not on yellow legal paper and written with a black sharpie like the one Andy made me, but it is tailored for you in a way that addresses any abusive or unhealthy relationship/ friendship/ work situation.  Simply refer to this or write a copy for yourself and keep it in your pocket. I know carrying it in my pocket and referring to it often helped me.

What YOU Will Do Starting Now

1.Become a Bitch for a While and Be Selfish

By bitch, it actually means that you must be assertive in looking out for your best interests. By selfish, it means you MUST always keep your best interests and how your decisions will ultimately effect you in mind.

2.Stand up for Yourself

You will know in your gut when this needs to be done. And you don’t have to get I on them, as I like to call it. Standing up for yourself can be done coolly and tactfully (and is much more effective when done so).

3. Get / Find a Job (or Hobbies) That Interest You

So you really wanted to be a nurse or an engineer but never found the time? Start taking steps that will allow you to explore your options and will inevitably lead you to do so. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and most long term goals take years, but don’t give up on your dreams.

Or maybe take up a hobby you enjoy or you’ve always wanted to try such as painting, building model airplanes, shoe shopping. Doing something fun will give you a lot of self satisfaction. Also I recommend volunteering or working in a meaningful position that helps people in some way. IF neither of these interest you, try something simple like being a better listener. You would not believe how appreciative people are of a good listener, especially in times of stress and sorrow. Being a good listener actually cultivates a more compassionate you. Try it out and let me know what you think.

4. Get Rid of Shit-head

Andy put it very simply. The path to happiness includes a cleansing of negativity. This means leaving negative relationships and friendships if they cannot be salvaged.  Even negative work relationships could be trying on one’s well being.

5,  Do What is Best For You and No One Else

Doing nice things for people is generally good, unless it is at the cost of your own happiness. If you feel like you are overextending yourself, and perhaps doing so under the veil of matyrdom, you better rethink your motives. What exactly are you feeling guilty about or trying to get out of this?  There is nothing good about feeling bad, so always keep in mind how you will feel once what’s done is done.

6. Never Let Anyone Put You Down Verbally

This is self explanatory. If someone speaks to you think way, flat out say to them, “Do not speak to me that way.” They might fight back the first time, but if you assertively repeat this simple phrase to them every time they speak to you in a way you find unacceptable, it will eventually sink in.

7. Leave Any Situation if You Have To

Walk away. Go into another room. Go for a walk. Put on your Ipod. Do anything to peacefully remove your self from the negativity. Don’t sink to their level!! You’re better than that!

8.Remove The Negative Person(s) From Your Life as Soon as Possible

While you were reading this, maybe there is someone you have in mind, a someone who is draining you emotionally and bringing out the worst in you. Anyone who brings out the worst in you and drains you emotionally is an energy vampire and they will usually stay until you are strong enough to give them the boot (yes, it usually has to be your decision to get rid of them, unfortunately they tend to cling as long as your willing to let them). If your too weak to ask them to leave, or just not ready to break out the garlic, …. maybe no longer take their calls. Take a few days off from dealing with them to evaluate the situation, possibly make a healthy decision -yay for healthy decisions! -and generally recharge your battery and get back some of the energy they have sucked out of you. If you are in a situation with someone like this, you know you have to act eventually, it is just a matter of time. How much more time do you want to waste being miserable and dissatisfied?  Years? Months? Days? Minutes, I hope.

……and finally……

LET EVERYONE THINK YOU’RE OVER HIM/ HER/IT AND YOU WILL BE!